Sleepy Sex: When your partner wants intimacy but your fuel tank is on E
Moms, simply put, there's just not enough hours in the day. Rather working from home or out in the field, it's a lot and can be very exhausting. Our schedule is typically over scheduled with way too many things that requires attention and/or completion and none of which includes times for ourselves (well discuss Self Quickie later). We tend to be overworked, over-stressed and stretched and overlooked. The LAST thing we want is to come home or you to come home and want sexual attention. There’re women that will just throw lubrication or a 'massager' at their mate and roll over. As terrible as that sounds, the truth and the frequency of that is astounding. What we fail to realize (and probably at that point, don't care to) is that the gesture or similar gestures can create self-esteem issues for you and confidence issues for them. So how do we alleviate that and maintain a happy healthy sex life while tired? By mastering sleepy sex; quick, easy and efficient.
Sex doesn't always have to be this long drawn out act that requires more energy than you can muster. The most important factor is not all mates want the act, some just want intimacy. And whether you know this or not, intimacy and sex are not the same thing. Let's first break that down. Sex is an example of intimacy! Sex is an act. Intimacy can be so many things; sensual, sexual, conversation, cuddling, etc. I encourage you to know what it is your partner is seeking. You could be putting more pressure on yourself and/or adding more work to an already worn out body. Healthy sex, replenishes the body. A lot of toxins and endorphins are released, energy can be transferred and the mental fulfillment of mate time is achieved. With that being said, know what your partner wants. If it's oral, give oral. If it's sex, find your "go to" position (for sporadic use NOT routine) and give sex. The last thing you want to do is create a space where self-esteem issues begin to haunt you because now your partner just automatically assumes you're not in the mood and don't interact with you on an intimate level AND now you're in the slump thinking "what's wrong with me" and they, in return, are in the slump or defensive mode thinking "Why can't I please them? What's wrong with me?" Let's nip that in the butt before it festers. Let's learn a basic technique to ultimately mastering sleepy sex.
How? It's simple. By catering to their need at that exact moment without rushing the moment. That is key. You don't want your partner to feel like a "John" or "Jane" (unless its role play). It is possible to successfully sexually fulfill the needs after an exhausting day. First, as gross as it may sound, most mates don't mind your all-day scent, some do. If showers/baths wipe you out completely, don't take one. What makes our bodies so unique is that we each come with our own scent and most times, the scent is amplified by what's equivalent to marinating. Now I'm not suggesting that if you've been on a construction site all day pouring concrete to come home and just hop on your mate. No, what I'm saying is depending on your daily activities, you don't have to come into the house and run immediately into the shower. The vagina is a self-cleaning machine which is why it is of utmost importance to NOT put soap inside the vagina. Women naturally has a musk (not musty lol) to them from the bacteria that the vagina produces and when you shower, that sometimes, most often actually, becomes imbalanced because now the pH that was there before is disrupted from your soap. So sometimes it is better not to shower immediately especially if it relaxes you further and now you really don't want to partake in any activity.
Next, while getting the household in order, have a conversation using metaphoric words to describe or gain intel on what it is they want. Metaphoric words in case the children are around (you can also use this to entice), otherwise, be direct, sexy but direct. The goal here is to create excitement while gaining entail. Dopamine is the hormone that creates this exciting feeling. What happens when we're excited? Things go even quicker. As mentioned before, mentally prepare for what it is they want in that moment and giving doses of dopamine will contribute to acceleration of the sexual act. If they want something new or are being coy, give a hand job, grab the coconut oil (or oil you are comfortable with... just make sure it don't dry out) and place that on the night stand. 75% of what drains us more about sex is the mental aspect of having to do yet one more thing from an already exhausting day. Don't think like that. Think how you can make this quick and efficient. Entertaining even.
Lastly, enjoy the moment. As hard as it may be. Be present. Be mindful. Our battle is not the act, it's the mental. Don't succumb to it.
