Being...
Let's talk about BEING… Being present, mindful and what I like to say, HOT and FOCUSED. The school year is here. Homecoming season across the country is here and I feel we, as a society, must educate our young children and young adults on the #Metoo movement, the “rape culture” and general sex education. I've talked about these topics a lot on school campuses especially college campuses because not enough of us are HOT and/or FOCUS. We think we are but we’re not. HOT is not what you think it is. Being HOT has nothing to do with the physical. Being HOT is being Honest Open and Transparent with not only the people around you but more so with yourself. FOCUS takes a little bit more breaking down, but this promotes awareness of self, surroundings and current environment. In this article, I want to discuss the utmost importance on being HOT and maintain FOCUS whether you are away at college or shall I say especially while you are away at college and in everyday life.
First thing first, NO will ALWAYS mean NO. Respect the no. Anything that is NOT a verbal yes, IS a no. And always protect yourself. No matter what! Hot eliminates this grey area when approaching any situation but especially sexual with a guy/girl. This is also a preventative method because an amical agreement between both parties can be made BEFORE any acts ensues. Simply put, being HOT creates realistic expectations and eliminates ASSumptions. As a result, the pressure or the “vibe” is lessen and/or eliminated and comfort is established, if wasn’t before.
More important than being HOT with someone, you absolutely must be HOT with yourself. When you allow this to become a part of who you are and what you stand for, it becomes a necessity for you and at the very least, respected by others. You must accept who you are without filters, no make-up, cover-ups or alterations, just you. Accept your sexuality. Accept your individuality. Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself; everyone else is taken” and this couldn’t be truer today. Social media has such a huge influence on today’s culture and psyche. How we should think, dress, feel, how to perform sex, etc. that is sometimes, most times, damper our purity/acceptance of ourselves and our morals. We must be open for and open to this ever-changing world while being secure with our sexuality and individuality. We must FOCUS on being HOT!
The simplicity of FOCUS makes it complex for some. As stated before, FOCUS promotes awareness of self, surroundings and current environment. Let’s break this down:
F is for fun. Everyone has their own definition of fun or what fun is supposed to be. BUT, at a certain age, fun comes with acknowledgement of one’s limits.
O is for keeping options open while being observant. Of course, a great night will go according to plan without any hiccups but that’s not always the case. What if things change? This is when you need to observe what’s going on and keep your options open.
C is for cautious. Please be cautious when you’re out. Whether running errands or going to a party/club, be cautious. All friends are not your friends so don’t heavily rely on anyone but yourself. It is a big fat myth that only certain type of women is targeted or raped. It’s a big myth that only women are raped. ALL women of ALL ethnicities from young to old on various socioeconomics levels and of ALL sexual orientations are raped, sexually assaulted, harassed, stalked, etc. so when out, be cautious.
U is for understanding useful vs. useless. We all have that one friend that always goes too far or maybe its you that always goes too far. We want to be more useful than useless. Getting ridiculously drunk and/or high (say no to drugs and no under age drinking) makes you useless and not only put yourself in harm’s way but also that people that you are with. Let’s be more useful for another instead of more useless and let’s understand the roles we play in both.
S is for support. Your support is suppose to be the people you are with. That’s your physical support while out. When we as women, young or old, go out, we are trusting better yet there’s an unspoken expectation that we are each other’s protectors. I got your back and you have mine. Make sure you are going out with individuals you trust and know. If you’re going on a date or are with people you don’t know, make sure you text someone your location… who, want, when, where and why as a safety measure. This is not about distrusting who you’re with, its more so about creating a comfort and secure level for you.
When in doubt, trust your instincts. Be HOT and FOCUSED. More importantly than anything, talk with someone if you're unsure. It is not ok to go through anything alone. There are a lot of services (like mine) that are willing to help at any time of the day.
